Somebody Bring My Wife Back!

The farther and farther Lisa gets into pregnancy, the less and less I seem to understand her. To point, her obsession with matching things for the baby's room. Lisa has always liked things that match, like her scarf and gloves, or a necklace and earrings. But Lisa trying to match everything in the baby's room has taken this to a new level.

Here's a list of the matching things she's bought so far:

• Sheets
• Dust ruffle
• Crib bumpers
• Mobile
  
• Hamper
• Diaper holder
• Switch cover
• Lamp shade
• Picture frame
• Book ends
• and, my favorite, "wall hangings"

The wall hangings are the strangest thing. They are flat pillows with designs on them that you can hang on the wall. I think they're for frustrated fathers to bang their heads on when you can't get the baby to stop wailing, or when you get the credit card bill with all of the baby crap on it.

The baby won't know if the things it its room match; this is all for adults. I don't know if anything in my room when I was a baby matched, so it obviously did not matter to me. In fact, I'll bet that nothing matched, which would explain my current decorating sensibility.

Here's the kicker. Thanks to you, our dear readers, Lisa has chosen a line of products from a company called Kidsline. The line is called "Malawi." Of course, Lisa was going to choose this one. The thing I don't understand is why the motif has anything to do with Malawi. It has pictures of crocodiles, elephants, giraffes, zebras, hippos, leopards, etc. Now I haven't spent much time in Malawi, but I think you may find more of these animals in a zoo than in that country. If Kidsline really wanted to capture the essence of Malawi, it would have deforested hills, people pushing overloaded bicycles down the road, and drunken unemployed men. I think the real reason it's called Malawi is because young children from Malawi make all this stuff.